Archives for SpinRants

Saying Good-bye to Jerry

This past Wednesday was our literal Funeral for a Friend, as we bid our final farewells. The funeral itself was, in my opinion, the best possible sort: brief and focused. I’m not a fan of ceremony for ceremony’s sake. A few of us spoke of Jerry, how we’ll remember him and what he meant to us, and that was to the good.

Afterward his wife hosted us all at a local establishment with a very nice buffet and an open bar. As one might expect from a lifetime where golf played a major role, a large percentage of us represented his golfing mates, especially the “underground league” he and his friend Chris set up and ran every year. It was called “Fleppert,” a contraction of Chris’ and Jerry’s last names.

What prompted me to post this was a photo of our table that Chris sent to me tonight. We represented the hard core of the Fleppert gang, and stayed the longest and probably partied the hardest–Jerry wouldn’t have had it any other way. Here we are, as captured on camera by Jerry’s sister, offering one of many toasts to his memory:

The Fleppert gang offering a toast to Jerry's memory

The core of the Fleppert League. The brew is Sam Adams.

I should add a little thumbnail of those present. Paul and Chris were among Jerry’s closest friends, and co-conspirators in creating Fleppert. BJ literally grew up around Jerry, as some of his earliest memories are of Jerry coming over for visits when he was a small child. Mike the Neighbor lived next door to Jerry for the last few years of his life, and was both an ad hoc drinking buddy and the one who stepped up to handle a lot of the physical tasks around the house when Jerry became too weak. When we gathered to decorate the large evergreen tree outside Jerry’s house for Xmas 2009 it was Mike who got us the mobile cherry-picker so we could reach the high spots. Spinny & Anne are, of course, yours truly and my lovely wife (who had no trouble holding her own among this motley group of guys). Joe is my partner in “that other golf league” that Jerry & Chris split from when they formed Fleppert, and a frequent Fleppert attendee. Last, but not least, Jim is Anne’s brother, a solid Fleppert regular and one of Jerry’s long-time friends.

Although we shall always miss Jerry, our gathering that day went a long way toward giving me closure and in helping me let go and move on. He’ll still always be there with us, though, every time we tee one up or hoist one high.

Fare well, Jerry.

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I Don’t Understand Grocery Stores

My mission today: pick up some lemonade–not just any lemonade, I was armed with a pair of specific brands from which to choose.

My arrival at the hub of all things that are wrong in the commercial world was uneventful: I scored a decent parking space, no one tried to run me over as I crossed the raceway that fronts the store, and there was a nice stack of carry baskets to hand as I entered. My feeling that I might escape undamaged began to fade a bit, however–not long after I located and entered the aisle labeled “beverages.”

Lemonade is a beverage, isn’t it? For that matter, so is soda, beer, bottled water, and tomato juice. You wouldn’t have known it from the contents of this misleadingly-labeled aisle. From what I could see it was stocked with only the weird to-drink stuff nobody wanted–what the hell is a “new age beverage,” anyway?

Okay, I reasoned, this is clearly not meant to be easy. First I need to figure out what KIND of beverage they believe lemonade is, and look for it in an aisle associated with that sort of product. Hmm…it’s mostly water, but there is the “bottled water” aisle and no joy. Juice! It’s mostly lemon juice. Hie, there’s the juice aisle!

Strike two–no, make that strike three, since I already tried the water-that-isn’t-a-beverage aisle. Oh, they had juice of every kind there, make no mistake. They also had two different kinds of “organic” lemonade, but neither variety was on the target list.

This was starting to become puzzling, indeed–then I recalled the few times I’d ever made lemonade it was from a frozen concentrate. Frozen stuff is over there, let’s check it out!

The brands I was supposed to choose from, I soon discovered, don’t come in a frozen version. Strike four, and I had entered unknown realms.

I’d now been on the hunt for a ridiculous length of time–especially for what was supposed to be a side trip–and I should have been home long ago. I decided I wasn’t going to leave empty-handed, and that organic stuff was starting to look pretty good–hey, any lemonade in a storm! The quickest route back to the juice section, conveniently enough, would pass through the aisle of beer-that-isn’t-a-beverage. It was a hard thing to swallow, but I steeled myself for the ordeal. As I strolled happily past the stacks of lovely Saranac and Guinness and other beer-that-isn’t-a-beverage that also isn’t crappy-fizzy-yellow-pisswater-that-passes-for-beer-in-America, I happened to glance to my right.

Orange juice in a refrigerated cabinet. Grapefruit juice, too. Could it possibly be?

YES! There, snuggled up against the cheeses and mocking me for daring think it might have been anywhere else, was the very brand of lemonade I’d been sent to procure! So this was the place for drink-that-is-mostly-juice-that-isn’t-a-beverage-that-needs-refrigeration.

How silly of me not to have known all along.

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Internet Explorer Must Die

If you’ve done any web development more ambitious than a few text links, you have already long since run up against the problem of how Microsoft constantly fails to conform to standards. For those of you who haven’t experienced the special joy of making otherwise correctly-coded web designs work in IE, you don’t know what you’re missing.

See, web pages are coded in a special programming language, much like any software (okay, let’s not get bogged down in the semantics of markup languages versus compiled and interpreted code and all that, shall we? It’s not germane to the point, here). The problem is, when you learn this language the people who are in charge of creating and maintaining it tell you that certain program instructions will result in web browsers displaying things in a certain, predictable way.

Except for Internet Explorer.

You can buy into conspiracy theories that Microsoft wants to control the language and so interprets it in their own way, expecting to force everyone else to conform to their version by sheer power of market share. You can jump on the “Microsoft is run by a pack of idiots” bashing bandwagon and assert they’re just too stupid to understand the standards, so are unable to conform. Or you can just throw up your hands, utter blasphemous curses, and try to hack out code that will work in their crippled and ill-constructed browsers while simultaneously working in other, correctly-constructed ones. You could even do all three, and/or make up a few alternative activities for fun while you’re at it. I suggest drinking heavily during such an enterprise.

For everyone who knows the pain of which I speak, here is a fun graphic I ran across today that sums things up all too knowingly:

Pie chart showing how much time is wasted coding for Internet Explorer

Graphic created by Alan Foreman of Poisoned Minds.

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Cancer Sucks

No shit, right? Who doesn’t know someone it’s taken?

It took a friend today, and the hurt’s still raw, and there’s nothing really to do about it but get over it. Eventually.

Jerry was a great guy. The harder you broke his balls the better he liked you for it, and he had a million zany stories that you knew he wasn’t making up. He drank like a sailor–which is appropriate because he was one. I don’t know anyone who was more happily politically incorrect, and you had to love him for it–more so the worse his wisecracks got. I had to make him stop including my work e-mail address on his mailing list, some of the stuff he’d send was definitely not safe for work.

He loved golfing, which is how I got to know him. We were league mates and later, when he and his crony Chris broke away from the league and started a group of their own, I showed up to play with them as often as I could. When I missed half a season because of emergency surgery he was the guy I asked to cover for me. He had his great days, and he had his lousy days, and on the latter there was no one more accomplished at sending a duck hook (he was a lefty) farther right than I could send a slice. I can still see him pounding his chest like a drunk Klingon, and threatening to kick his ball’s ass if it didn’t go into the hole.

He was healthy as hell, too, until the cancer took him down. Trim, fit, he used to relax by swimming laps in his pool. He was retired some years back, but still active and vigorous as anyone half his age. Until the cancer got him.

He went peacefully, with his “lovely” beside him. Just closed his eyes and left. Thank goodness for that.

He “may not have been the best, but there ain’t none better!”

I already miss him.

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Jumping on the “Avatar” Bandwagon with Both Feet

So, from what I hear there’s an explosion of videos on YouTube detailing how to paint yourself blue, and to otherwise try to look like a Na’vi character. I figured that’s lame: on one hand, you ever tried washing all that shit off when you’re done? Don’t even tell me you plan to get between the sheets all blue and sticky. Yuck! Besides, in the era of Photoshop there’s no need to go to all that bother (click to see a larger version):

Spinny'd up in Blue

Spinny'd up in Blue

I just know that on Pandora they’d have good taste in beer–don’t you?

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Beware of Theft via “ATM Traps”

I just heard about this today (and checked it out at Snopes), and it’s pretty bizarre. There’s a way to set an “ATM Trap” such that it captures your card, and then the thief does a bit of social engineering to get your PIN, only to recover the card a short time later and withdraw cash. This PDF file shows such a theft as it happens (note this footage is from 2005 and it’s quite likely many ATMs are now made with this in mind, but still forewarned is forearmed):

“ATM Trap” theft in progress (PDF)

So, beware! If you use an ATM that sucks in your card, and it appears to be confiscated, follow the steps in the document.

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On Finding Gifts for Geeks

So, Xmas is past but if you had any hard core geeks on your gift list last year I’m betting it was a royal chore finding something “suitable” for them. Tell me, honestly: where do you think that gizmo is now?

My friends, I’m here to make your next foray into geek giftdom an experience you can actually look forward to! It’s obvious that you, unschooled in the ways of geekdom, don’t read the right web comics, so I’m presenting the User Friendly flowchart that will make you a geek’s hero (click image for a larger version):

Flowchart for predicting how your geek gift will be received

Now that you are suitably grateful to have this onerous task lifted from your shoulders, feel free to visit the font of geek wisdom at its source:

User Friendly, The Comic

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Check out the latest at Blaine’s golf blog

He helps expose the dark underbelly of what really goes on at some “club testing” events. Tell him Spinny sent you.

The Golf Digest Hot List is a Joke (And We’re Not Laughing) at Addicted2Golf

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The more complicated things get…

First off, don’t get me wrong: I love my new Alienware laptop. It rocks in so many ways I haven’t found them all yet. Still, some things are just too damned fancy in my godlike opinion.

For instance?

Instead of clicky-button controls for things like volume control, CD ejection, media control (what? your laptop doesn’t have play, fast forward and rewind buttons?) and all that other stuff, mine has touch-sensitive capacitance controls. It’s the same idea as the ubiquitous touch pads, taken to another level of fancy-it-up-because-we-can. Well, today mine suddenly stopped working. About the same time, the tap-to-click function on the touch pad also went south–though at the time I didn’t realize the two events were related.

I got on the phone with Dell tech support (well, I’d been told my model Alienware machine had to go through Dell for such things, though in the end that turned out to be a load), and here’s a side rant: I had to run the gauntlet of no fewer than three obsequious functionaries, each one of whom asked me for the same damned information. Why don’t these people type in this stuff and pass it along to the next obstacle on the course?

Anyway, once I finally got to the Alienware guy with the tech-related flow chart to read from instead of the administrivia one, we went through a ritual of remove battery, unplug, hold down the power button, and so on. Reverse, rinse, and Glory Be: that fixed the problem.

Which was?

It seems this laptop, over time, can build up a “residual charge” in the frame. That translates to screw-with-capacitance in how-can-this-annoy-me parlance. By discharging everything, the balance was restored to The Force and all was again well.

So, tell me again why we can’t just have buttons?

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Peremptory re-booting

I can’t be the only person who gets annoyed by Microsoft’s insistence on re-booting my machine without asking first. Who the hell do they think they are? I gave permission to install updates autonomously, but why does that include a re-boot? The proper procedure is to install the updates, then provide notice that a re-boot is now needed, and LET ME DECIDE WHEN TO DO IT.

Sometimes I leave my machine in the state I want to find it in come morning, and I’m getting sick and tired of waking up to browser crash notices and windows I’ve left linked for convenience being gone.

Guess I need to revoke some au-tho-ri-teh.

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