The room was full of pregnant women with their partners. The class was in full swing.

The instructor was teaching the women how to breathe and was telling the men how to give the necessary help and assurance to their partners at this stage of the pregnancy.

She said, “Ladies, remember that exercise is good for you. Walking is especially beneficial. It strengthens the pelvic muscles and will make delivery that much easier. Just pace yourself, make plenty of stops and try to stay on a soft surface like grass or a path.”

She looked at the men in the room, “Gentlemen, remember – you’re in this together. It wouldn’t hurt you to go walking with her. In fact, that shared experience would be good for you both.”

The room suddenly got very quiet as the men absorbed this information.

After a few moments, a man at the back of the room slowly raised his hand.

“Yes,” said the instructor.

“I was just wondering, would it be all right if she carries a golf bag?”

And it’s only Wednesday.

NOTE: I understand all this is serious business–except the Birther part. And Trump. Still, when things get so messed up that one is tempted to throw up one’s hands in despair, I say find something to laugh about. It’s healthier.

She was a little taken aback, but she decided to tell him the truth.

“Well, dear, it’s called sexual intercourse.”

“Oh,” little Tony said. “OK.”

With that, he went back outside to play with the other kids. A few minutes later he came back in and said, “Grandma, it isn’t called that: it’s called bunk beds. And Jimmy’s mom wants to talk to you.”

The first man married a woman from North Carolina. He told her that she was to do the dishes and house cleaning. It took a couple of days but, on the third day, he came home to see a clean house and dishes washed and put away.

The second man married a woman from South Carolina. He gave his wife orders that she was to do all the cleaning, the dishes and the cooking. The first day he didn’t see any results, but the next day he saw it was better. By the third day he saw his house was clean, the dishes were done and there was a huge dinner on the table.

The third man married a girl from Upstate New York. He ordered her to keep the house cleaned, the dishes washed, the lawn mowed, the laundry washed, and hot food on the table for every meal. The first day he didn’t see anything. The second day he didn’t see anything. But, by the third day, some of the swelling had gone down; he could see a little out of his left eye and his arm was healed enough that he could fix himself a sandwich and load the dishwasher. He still has some difficulty when he pees.

“What do you expect from such simple creatures?

• Your last name stays put.
• The garage is all yours.
• Wedding plans take care of themselves.
• Chocolate is just another snack.
• You can be President. (*)
• You can never be pregnant.
• You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park.
• You can wear NO shirt to a water park.
• Car mechanics tell you the truth.
• The world is your urinal.
• You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.
• You don’t have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt.
• Same work, more pay.
• Wrinkles add character.
• Wedding dress $5000.  Tux rental $100.
• People never stare at your chest when you’re talking to them.
• New shoes don’t cut, blister, or mangle your feet.
• One mood all the time.
• Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.
• You know stuff about tanks.
• A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase.
• You can open all your own jars.
• You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness.
• If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend.
• Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack.
• Three pairs of shoes are more than enough.
• You almost never have strap problems in public.
• You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.
• Everything on your face stays its original color.
• The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades.
• You only have to shave your face and neck.
• You can play with toys all your life.
• One wallet and one pair of shoes.
• One color for all seasons.
• You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look.
• You can ‘do’ your nails with a pocket knife.
• You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.
• You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes.

No wonder men are happier.”

(*Editor’s note: this one was almost rendered invalid by recent events.)